


Boy Without A Star

by misspotatoland



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Four Continents Figure Skating Championships, Other, Toronto Cricket Skating and Curling Club
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:48:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22666525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misspotatoland/pseuds/misspotatoland
Summary: A short fic of Jun's feelings after 4CC.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 19





	Boy Without A Star

**4CC/Men Short Program**

_90.37 6th place_

It was a good score compared to all my other scores this season but I still feel like I could've done better. I was around 5 points away from the podium.

My performance went so good, everything felt right. But then that sneaky 3A came and received an UR. I couldn't hide the little feeling of disappointment after the scores were announced.

Now I have to skate clean if I want a shot for a medal. It would honestly be such a relief to get a medal here in my homecountry. 

I know I can do it. I just need to wait.

**4CC/Men Free Program**

Yuma has just ended his free and the crowd really cheered loudly for him. It's honestly amazing to see him at his first 4CC and already doing so good.

After he gets off the ice I get on the ice and start my warmup. I quickly go through all my jumps and listen to Ghislain's last minute advices.

"Just give it all you got, ok? Fighting." 

I nod and skate away from him. 

_"Next to skate, representing The Republic of Korea, Cha Junhwan"_

The crowd cheers at the announcement of my name as I take a small circle into my beginning pose.

The music starts of quietely before I know it I'm skating towards the 4T.

_Quadruple Toeloop_

Clean. Probably the best one of my season.

_Quadruple Salchow_

Clean.

_Triple Lutz-Triple Loop_

I have some time the calm down during my step sequence and before I know it my second combination is waiting for me.

_Triple Axel-Double Toeloop_

_Triple Axel_

It was on the music but it felt like a tight landing.

_Triple Flip-Euler-Triple Salchow_

I got a bit scared when I went for the flip. It was a bit on a lean but I got the combo out safely.

I can already see the end. Only one jump left.

_Triple Loop_

I did it! I did a clean program in front of my homecrowd! 

I can't hold back as I completely get lost in those last seconds of the music. It's getting stronger and it's pulling me in.

I don't have much energy left in me so I almost force myself into the last spin.

The music ends and the cheers erupt.

Wow. That was awesome.

I look around at the crowd unable to hold back my smile. I bow to them, thankful for their support. I honestly don't think I could do this without them.

I skate to Ghislain and he hugs me as Yuzu takes the ice.

"That was amazing." He says proudly.

As I'm walking towards the Kiss&Cry, I catch a lot of gifts and put on a Gat that fans threw at me.

The replays of my jumps start playing and I   
eagerly wait for my scores. 

The camera switches back to me and I wave at it.

I turn to Ghislain. "I really fought through" I declare and he nods. "I know."

_"The scores please. Cha Junhwan has earned 175.06 points for his program, a new season best. He has a total of 265.43 and is currently in second place."_

My face grows serious as I see my scores. I nod trying to hide my sadness. Second? But I thought I skated good. I didn't feel any bigger problems despite the flip and axel.

The cameras move to Yuzu and I leave the Kiss&Cry as soon as possible. 

"It's okay Jun. You did everything you could have done" Ghislain reasures me.

"I just thought I skated well" I say tears forming in my eyes.

"You did skate well. It was probably some URs. Don't worry we will work on it."

I get to the Green Room where Yuma and Nam are waiting for me. They both congratulate me and praise me.

Before I know it Yuzu finishes his program and he's sitting at the same spot I did a few minutes ago. When the cameras show us in the Green Room, Nam tries to lighten the mood by doing Yuzu's pose and me and Yuma follow. Yuzu ends up in first place and is soon in the Green Room with me.

He comes towards me and hugs me. "Your skate was great and it was a lot better than mine" he admits but I quickly cut him off.  
"Well I'm still not as good as you."

"Maybe not yet but you can be even better" he smiles at me and walks towards Yuma.

How can I be better than him? He won 2 Olympics in a row, I can't rival that.

At the end of competition Jason gets silver and Yuma the bronze. I'm happy for all of them they really deserved it. I'm left in 5th place. I don't know what's worse that I missed the podium because of URs again or that I failed to bring a medal here in my home country. I know that You Young won silver for Korea but it wasn't the same.

The gala starts soon so I decide to stay near the arena and prepare for my gala skate. First I wanted to skate to Boy with a star but I don't feel like it's going to help so I go with my new exhibition Crazy by 2WEI.

The gala goes by fast and I manage to pass it with a smile on my face. I have fun and talk with the skaters which I probably won't see at Worlds. This reminds me of the fact that I'll have to travel back to Toronto immediately to train.

‐---------------‐-----------------------------------------------------

When I get back to Toronto with Jason, Yuzu, Brian, Tracy and Ghislain there are other skaters waiting to congratulate us.

Evgenia is the first one to run and hug Jason tightly. I see Conrad coming towards me.

"Congrats bro" he hugs me.

"Thanks" I say, keeping a smile on my face.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine."

That was probably a lie. I'm not fine. Not after missing such a chance of medalling in my own country.

The small party ends quickly and Brian says we can all have a day off.

Two days later I'm found back on the ice. This time it's just my training session and not a competition. Ah, but I stumble on every jump. I fall, step out or underrotate every jump. My spins are not nearly as good as before. Brian tells me that it's probably tiredness from a jet lag but it's far from that. It's the pressure from everyone around me. It's horrible.

At the end of the day I'm left alone on the ice with everyone gone. I jump the triple axel over and over again but it's not working. Soon a familiar song starts playing through the speakers.

_Numerous people shining on the streets_

I follow the music and skate to Boy with a star.

_Across a long way, illuminating the dark night,_   
_stars resemble you shining brilliantly_

I skate into a spread eagle before preparing for a triple flip. I underrotated that jump in the free, right? This is the jump that wasn't good, right?

My body hits the cold ice. 

_Even the glittering appearance_   
_Inevitable to look at_   
_The stars resemble those of us, shining as sad as they are_

Maybe I can't be as good as Yuzuru. Maybe I will never be the next Yuna Kim. I can't even land triples, how can I land quads?

I miss the salchow and meet the ground again.

I slide on my knees and touch the ice.

_When I met you, every moment that passed was a miracle._   
_Will the stars that were together with us remember us?_

Will anyone ever remember me? Will I be forgotten? Will I be just another young star that failed to succeed in seniors?

_Every moment with you was a gift._   
_The stars that were together still remain there._

I do an Ina Bauer across the ice, a tear escaping my eye.

I can't do it! I'll never be good enough! There will always be something that will keep me away from succeeding. URs, spins,... There is always something.

I should stay in Korea. I should continue with modeling and acting. I wouldn't worry so much. I wouldn't be hurt so much.

My body hits the ice third time in a row on a loop, a jump that used to be friendly to me.

The song usually finished with one of my hands touching the ice.

This time both of my hands and my knees are feeling the coolness.  
I finally let the tears run down my face.

On the ice remains a boy without a star.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me be honest.  
> Jun really grew on me. I first saw Jun at GPF18 when he performed R&J and since then I have watched every single of his performances. When he finished his free at 4CC this year I literally started crying because it was the most beautiful skate I have ever seen. I really thought he would finish on the podium.   
> However. 4CC gave an inspiration for this fic and I kind of mixed Boy with a star into this because it's my fave Jun exhibiton.  
> Also I went online and translated Boy with a star since it's in Korean so the lyrics is understandable.  
> I hope you liked it :)
> 
> misspotatoland <3


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